Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The "David Letterman Top 10 List" of Why Bryan Singer Always Abandons The Movies He Announces via Fake Press Releases

10. He was never really assigned by the Hollywood studios to direct those movies in the first place.
9. His extremely congested television schedule of directing the "Munsters Halloween Special 2012" and directing "Magnum Gold Ice Cream Commercials" is preventing him from having any free time to direct any multi-million dollar, tent-pole movies.
8. "Superman Returns" really did kill Bryan Singer's theatrical movie, directing career.
7. Bryan Singer prefers the intimate medium of television where directing the likes of sitcom episodes, low budget horror movies for the SyFy Channel, and game show episodes allows you to do so under a pseudonym.
6. Bryan Singer enjoys giving sick notes from his parents to his agent.
5. Repeatedly abandoning the movies that you announce via fake Internet press releases gives the impression that you are an aloof genius too good for Hollywood. It also gives the reverse impression of you having zero clout in Hollywood ultimately but that's beside the point!!
4. Having a make believe career on the Internet allows Bryan Singer to have a "special relationship" with the general public. Sort of like having a bad credit rating allows you to have a "special relationship" with financial lenders.
3. Bryan Singer defends his position of making 100% more announcements over the Internet than his peers do (James Cameron, Peter Jackson, Shaun Levy, Joss Whedon) yet his peers ironically produce 100% more movies than he does in that he is simply "more gabby and more introspective of the projects he selects" than his peers are.
2. Bryan Singer is trying to enter himself in the "Guinness Book of World Records" under a new category:
"Most movies ever abandoned by a film director consecutively."
1. After the failure of "Superman Returns", there is no direction go but "down."
Bryan Singer's Abandoned Movie & Television Productions Thus Far
1. Six Billion Dollar Man
2. Battlestar Galactica
3. The Munsters (TV series)
4. Logan's Run
5. Excalibur
6. Bob Fosse mini series (HBO)
7. 2012
8. Sellevision
9. X-Men: Last Stand
10. Jack The Giant Killer
11. Star Trek
12. The Prisoner
13. Wolverine 2
14. X-Men 3
15. Aim High
16. X-Men: First Class
17. X-Men: Days of Future Past (Abandonment Pending)
18. Freedom Formula: Ghost of The Wasteland
19. The Mayor of Castro Street: The Life & Times of Harvey Milk
20. Capeshooters

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