Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Universal Studios Was Supposed To Release a Galactica (1978) Theatrical Film This Summer....Where Is It?


It's a surprise to no one that the Galactica theatrical film (based upon the 1978 series) Universal Studios announced in February 2009 as having a release date of summer 2011 is nowhere to be found over two years later....with summer 2011 just around the corner. Simply because Universal Studios has made it a corporate habit of cruising by these announced release dates of theirs as if they said nothing in the first place about an intended Galactica theatrical film....and thus, never even bring up the subject ever again.

Universal Studios is many negative things in this world of ours (mostly four letter words)....including an entity thoroughly lacking in credibility and professionalism in their handling of the "Battlestar Galactica" copyright. Since Universal Studios (once again) failed to come through with a Galactica theatrical film (this time for summer 2011), they're going to need some mode of entertainment to take its place. To make up for the fact that there won't be a Galactica theatrical film in movie theaters this summer.

Perhaps Universal Studios should send Ronald D. Moore and Edward James Olmos out on the road together like the "Charlie Sheen Traveling Road Show." Since Universal Studios (inexplicably) loves these two to death anyway, why don't they just send Moore and Olmos out on the road together...and do live skits together (among other things) in entertainment venues across the country....because quite frankly....this is about the only thing that Universal Studios could come up with (at such short notice) for summer 2011. Since they fucked up so badly in failing to deliver (once again and most recently) a Galactica theatrical film for summer 2011.

The Ronald D. Moore / Edward James Olmos....."Knock em' Dead With Boredom Tour."

The stage show begins with Ronald D. Moore and Edward James Olmos walking out on stage together with the two of them wearing three piece business suits. Clothing racks filled with three piece business suits are then wheeled out on stage by all of the ugly ass women who have appeared in Ronald D. Moore's various television series including Katee Sackhoff....Michelle Forbes...and Lucy Lawless...."The Barf Babes."

Ronald D. Moore sits down in a wooden chair positioned at the center of the stage and begins to orate.

Ronald D. Moore: "A butterfly...What is a butterfly? Nature's beauty during a warm summer day. They flip...and they flap....and they flop their wings to the cool rhythms of assured warm breezes as one drinks their iced tea and frosty root beer."

(Edward James Olmos with a frown on his face begins flapping his arms like a butterfly as he circles Ronald D. Moore sitting in his chair. He sometimes croutches down on his knees...and then with a burst of energy leaps back up with his body perfectly stretched....his arms stretched out at his sides looking like airplane wings....and his straightened legs a few inches off of the floor. He eventually resumes flapping his arms as Ronald D. Moore continues.)

Ronald D. Moore: "A firefly has a light in its ass....a butterfly doesn't. If you had a light in your ass....wouldn't it motivate you to fly....a real lot?"

(Edward James Olmos is now flapping his wings on stage with a lighted light bulb sticking out of his rear end.)

Ronald D. Moore: "Does the light burn the ass of the firefly when it's turned on? Or is it merely a harmless beacon of hope for all of the firefly's little friends?"

(Edward James Olmos continues to flap his left arm and then gestures with his right arm for Katee Sackhoff, Michelle Forbes, and Lucy Lawless to follow him as the three women are also....flapping their arms.)

Ronald D. Moore: "No one knows how a butterfly or a firefly mates. Is it merely the impregnation of the female or is the mating process more elaborate?"

(Edward James Olmos and the three women sit down at a circular table with a white table cloth....with two lit candles and dinner sitting on the table. All of them continue flapping their arms while a violinist [Aaron Douglass] plays a romantic tune.)

Ronald D. Moore: "What is not known is that a firefly and a butterfly would like to have little legs like a human. They would like to run...and jog....and hop.....and skip....and pole vault.....and scale a building like Spiderman."

(Edward James Olmos, Aaron Douglass, Lucy Lawless, Michelle Forbes, and Katee Sackhoff begin doing all of these things in the background while still flapping their arms as Ronald D. Moore wraps up the show.)

Ronald D. Moore: "I wouldn't want a light up my ass....I wouldn't want wings......I wouldn't want people trying to whack me with a newspaper at the annual neighborhood 4th of July celebration....or trying to stick me in a glass jar.....or trying to pull the light out of my ass and taking my bowels with it."

(The auditorium audience hops to its feet and gives a standing ovation...."Bravo!!"......"Bravo!!")

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