Friday, March 13, 2015
I Can Just Imagine With Horror What It Would Be Like For a Former "SyFy Channel Programmer" Interviewing For Another Job At An Actual Science Fiction Cable Channel
Job Interviewer: "Well Skip, it says here that you used to program for the SyFy Channel."
Skippy: "That's right."
Job Interviewer: "Tell Me Skip, what is the on-air identity of the SyFy Channel? Sports? Weather? Children's programming? Comedy? What did you put on the air over there? I already know the identity of what the SyFy Channel is supposed to be. Out of morbid curiosity, I just want to see if you know."
Skippy: "Ummm...well....cough....We put a little bit of everything on the air I guess."
Job Interviewer: "Could you be a little more specific, Skippy?"
Skippy: (pulling on his shirt collar) "SyFy is a generic interest non-designated cable channel with no specific on-air identity leaning heavily towards ambiguous sensationalism (Wrestling)....Sporadic neophyte attempts at soft Science Fiction....Wrecking ball collisions into the sides of buildings as we try to do Horror on a shoestring budget, and our website is a bulletin board for other cable channels to advertise their new shows on."
Job Interviewer: "So you guys over at SyFy are running a cable channel that you never should have owned in the first place because you suck so badly at it, and all of you lack the imagination to run it in the manner it is supposed to be run....as an actual Science Fiction channel. To compensate for these deficiencies, you guys just run SyFy as a slap dash / half ass / anything goes, ambiguous cable channel.
So, why do you want to work for me and my cable channel, Skip? What could you possibly bring to the....'Harlan Ellison / Theodore Sturgeon Specific Science Fiction Classics Cable Network'....I will be starting up very soon?"
Skippy: (pulling on his shirt collar) "Ummm... I offer you my daily punctuality...My attention to detail....My flexibility in daily routines....and my reputation for returning from lunch 30 minutes early every day for 5 years."
Job Interviewer: "Tell you what I'm going to do for you, Skippy. I'm going to place you where I have placed all of the rest of the former SyFy Channel programmers who have applied for jobs at my new network. As a member of my janitorial staff. Because quite frankly, I wouldn't let you or any of your SyFy cohorts anywhere near my programming department for any reason. I want Science Fiction on my new Science Fiction cable network. Not ambiguous garbage."
"Here's your time clock punch card, mop, pail, and coveralls. Report to Rosy on the third floor."
Read the books Universal Studios has tried and failed to censor on Amazon.com...
And read these books at another location where Universal Studios executives and its stealth marketers won't be able to post negative, misleading (stealth marketed) reviews of the books via them purchasing candy and Rogaine Foam on Amazon.com (allowing them access to the Amazon book review section) and not actually buying and reading the books. I'll leave the other 150 global locations under wraps for now.
Posted by Languatron at 2:44 PM